Fan: Dom

One day, the UAC (Universal Ass Circle) was on Mars. It was in a big base made of tuna fish cans, called the Man Can. Suddenly, a guy put a Xen crystal into a table, then added some cayenne pepper and smacked it. He then dipped the bottom in molten australium, before throwing it into a teleporter. This opened a portal to Hell, thousAnds of demons flooding the facility.

"Uh oh" said a security guard before being torn limb from limb by demons. A scientist had escaped through the vents and found himself in the containment area. "XD he got rekt" he said, until he found an ancient demonic tomb being researched. However the researchers exploded at that moment. "woh" he said. He then touched the tomb, the case popping it. It revealed a badass in green armor. "cool" he said, and pressed the "unfreeze" button on a computer. The Marine inside suddenly became not a block of ice, but a living being. He stepped outside of the tomb and laughed a hearty laugh.

"am drum guy" he said. "Also know as drum slayer" he said again. "help dremoos invaded my pantry" the scientist said. "time to chew ass and kick bubblegum" Drumguy said. "and I'm al uota as XD"

Drumguy grabbed the shotgun from a dead guard and went over to the scientist. They instantly fell in love and kissed. "il be back my love" Drumguy said, throwing the scientist back into the tomb and freezing him. He then cocked his shotgun. "time to lick"

Drumguy shot the door down with his shotgun, an imp charging at him. Drumguy smacked the imp in the toosh and said nu. The imp apologized. Drumguy nodded and took it in as a pet, naming it Junior. He then ran down the cold metal halls, hundreds of human corpses flooded the area. However, Drumguy simple smacked them, teleporting them the Atlantic Ocean. He then danced. This drew the attention of a horde of demons. He pulled out his chainsaw and did a spin, slicing them all in half. He then shouted at another horde, turning them into dust. "haha u will die" said a cyberdemon, who ran to him. Drumguy jumped to his height, and tore his head off with easy. The giant beast laid limp on the floor, before Drumguy threw the head into the portal and stopped the invasion of Hell. "hah ez pz" said Drumguy. Suddenly, another horde of demons appeared. He wasn't done yet. "junior hold my beer" Drumguy said, handing Junior his beer. He then pulled out a giant minigun that shot beer bottles.

"XD" he screamed, the beer bottles flying towards the horde and causing them to explode. He then dropped the gun and punched a demon in the chest, causing it's entire lower half to explode. He then punched another, causing it's head to become a beer bottle. He then grabbed all the demons and slapped them, setting them on fire. He then launched them into the sun as they screamed for mercy. "ez pz chkn laweez" he laughed. He and junior returned to the containment lab, and unfroze the scientist. "my love" Drumguy said, the scientist falling into his big meaty arms. "I luv u drumguy" the scientist said. "same fam"

They then had a feast consisting of slow roasted demons. Junior just had leftover onion rings, though.